Midnight ramblings from a Mother

My daughter (sweet, lovely, normally organized daughter) is turning the big 1-0 this weekend. I have asked since last week if she would like to have a sleep over. She jumped at the opportunity and since she didn’t want to invite the entire class, I thought it would be smart to just have her collect a few numbers and I could just call the parents. My thoughts were wrong. So, very wrong. My daughter forgot her list of numbers three times this week. She came home in tears today (Wednesday) saying that she forgot them again. She said the hid them in her desk so other girls would not see it and feel left out. Sweet, but not productive. 

I stopped what I was doing, calmed her down and said, “We can fix this.” There was an event going on at the school and I decided to run up there with her and politely ask beg for the classroom door to be unlocked to retrieve this ‘list’. Because, your baby only turns 10 once. Uhg. We went to school and I explained the situation to a teacher. She did not look pleased with me requesting to unlock a door for ‘girls phone numbers’, but the Principle came and kindly let us in. I thanked him, got the list and hurried home to make the calls. My messages went something like this, “Hello, this is M. Hobson’s Mom, Marie and our daughters are in class together. I know this is very last-minute, but I was hoping your daughter would like to spend the night at our house this Friday for M’s Birthday. Again, I apologize for it being last-minute and there is no need to bring a present, M just wanted to spend the weekend with a few friends. Thank you! (Insert contact info)”  

At the end of the night, I have 1 yes, 1 maybe and 1 not responded. That’s pretty good, right? I told myself this would just be a few girls spending the night, nothing big, no actually party, just friends. Then, I realized I’m not that Mom. I can’t just do anything half way. Suddenly my list of snacks, treats, streamers and balloons was getting long. I also decided to set up a tent for the girls in the yard, and there have to be things to do, right? I know that I could just let the girls come, order pizzas and pop popcorn, but for some reason this feels different. My Baby is ten and I’m having heart palpitations. I know she will be happy with just the simplest things. That is how I raised her. So, why am I making a list to go all over town to buy decorations, food and craft supplies? Because, my baby is turning ten. I know it’s ridiculous, but honestly, I’m sad….I look forward to the future and all the moment we will share, but If I could be given the option to go back to the very first moment I saw her and start all over agin (living it all the same), I’d do it in a heart beat. So, I’m going to distract my ‘sadness’ with Birthday stuff. She hasn’t asked for any of it, but it will keep my mind focused on organizing the chaos and not that she is turning ten.

My husband, who is absolutely of no help at this moment knows very well how I operate. He walks into the kitchen as I have lists spread out in front of me, mumbling to myself… I made the mistake of complaining (because, we both know I do this to myself)…he starts singing. Yes. Singing. “You can’t always get what you want….)” So. Helpful.

The truth is, I do this to myself and it’s who I am. I run at 110% all the time and Friday there will be decorations and desserts as if this was planned for weeks. You would think I’d be thinner the way I move. . . And this should not be confused with perfection. Ha! My life runs on imperfection and improvising. I work this way, by doing everything with my full heart. There is a huge difference. I don’t have a ‘perfect’ imagine in mind for this weekend. I haven’t googled Birthday Parties and jotted things down, I am just going to go and put things together that I know my daughter will ‘love’. And then, maybe in a few days, I will sleep. . . It is not easy watching them grow. It’s fun, exciting, entertaining, wonderful….but it’s not easy.

3 thoughts on “Midnight ramblings from a Mother

  1. I dread the growing up of my 5 month old son. Already I wish we could go back to the day we brought him home and not have to worry about the growing up thing. He’s soo advanced for his age, I’m worried about him not being my little cuddle bug anymore.

  2. My kids b-days are 4 days apart, 2 years and 4 days apart, so every year they end up with a joint shindig because there is no way I could do what I do two weekends in a row, and it always takes a couple months of planning. This last year, because it’s our last year guaranteed in this state, I began planning a YEAR in advance – face painting, constructing new games, temp tattoos, a friend played the magician, another made the cupcakes, my mother helped craft (yes craft) the zero waste goody bags (because I HATE getting trash in goody bags)… if I didn’t have such great friends willing to sign up for this, I couldn’t have done it at all. My husband, he was deployed the whole time.

    Yes, we do it to ourselves, but in the end, I don’t think I’ve ever said “that wasn’t worth the effort.” They grow up so fast, these moments are little notches of time we carve out to really notice how far they’ve come… from an infant, just sticking their whole face in the ice-cream cake, to a young lady or gentleman, waiting for their first dance,

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