I get a lot of emails from women whose husbands are deployed. Questions range from, “How can I get him to miss me more??” to “How do I stop crying?” and “What is normal?”
I’ve answered these all in previous post, but will post them again so that new readers have the chance to read them. The bottom line is that most of what we are feeling comes from the ‘thoughts’ we have. For most of us, contact is limited or non-exsistant with our spouses and that allows for our brains to assume. We try to “figure out” why we are not feeling connected. We find reasons when we can’t get the answers we so desperately want. We look for rationalizations when we need excuses. It’s scary what our minds are capable of. My best advice to anyone struggling through a deployment, exercise, or just a moment, is to talk.
When you can’t talk to your service member, find a good friend (preferably one that understands your situation aka milspouse of someone serving with your service member. No one gets it better than someone going through it with you.) If you don’t have that, or it isn’t enough, seek groups through your base, command, or unit. Utilize Family Support Centers. Talk to a counselor or chaplain. Keeping your thoughts bottled up will only do more harm than good.
A good gage to use to decide if you need to talk to someone would be….if you are losing sleep, irritableness, unusually emotional or feeling anything but your normal. I know these symptoms can be from just “life” aka, work, parenting, etc, but in my experience, these feelings shouldn’t last. It’s fine to feel this way for a day or two, but if you are feeling down longer than that, it’s time to do something. You might even need to visit your doctor. There are so many things health wise that could be affecting you. It may not even be the deployment!
I’ll post some previous things I have written, but I just wanted to let you know that if you are feeling this way, you are not alone. Don’t let your ‘thoughts’ limit who you are and the life you can have.