Hydro-lancing and Boob Tape

From back in the day. The Husband loved me for this one. 😉

As a Military wife I get to hear all kinds of strange and sometimes interesting things that civilian wives miss out on.  The other day when with some girlfriends we were discussing some of our Military Husband Moments that Civilian wives just wouldn’t have.  It was all in fun as we laughed about things our husbands do and say. I came to the conclusion that military wives put up with a lot and our husbands are very special.

Since my husband is deployed, I thought I’d take this unsupervised moment to write about him.  How fun is that!?  I, like so many military wives have experienced fun and sometimes eye rolling husband moments.  I am going to share with you a couple of my favorites. 

My first has to do with Shift Work.  Yuck.  I can feel readers cringe as they read those words.  They are two words that every wife hates as much as “dry dock” “refit” “duty” and any duty section with a number smaller than 4…aka “3 section” or even worse, “port and starboard”.

While my husband was in shift work at a previous command, he was sleeping in-between shifts when he woke me at 3AM with his ramblings…..And when I asked him “Honey, are you OK?”  He ordered me (yelling) to hydro-lance tube # such n’ such while pointing his finger in my face!  He then rolls over and is dead asleep. As I try to fall back asleep. . .he sits up again, looks me dead in the eyes, points to the door of our bedroom and yells, “I SAID NOW!!” Whoa Buddy. I am not a violent person. But keep in mind that I was exhausted, still out of it, and he SCARED me to death when he woke me. . . So, like any other milspouse, I smacked him on the chest and with a loud and annoyed voice said, “I do NOT work for you!” My husband still out of it just rolled back over and again, was DEAD asleep! How is that possible!?  It took me an hour at least to fall back asleep while he was happily snoring. The next morning he didn’t remember a thing, but when I told him what tube numbers, he quickly turned red and kissed me apologetically. Apparently it was what he had worked on.

I’m sure many wives have had their husbands talk in their sleep.  It makes you wonder how much we actually know!  Hmmmm. . .

Another Husband Moment happened while The Husband was in Dive School.  This was our phone conversation.

 Me: Hello?

Husband: Hey beautiful, whatcha doing?

Me: Oh, you know, “stuff”….cleaning up and getting some work done. What are you up to?

Husband: Umm, where do you buy boob tape? You know, that stuff that you wear when you don’t want “things showing”??

Me: -silent-

Husband: You know those things that strippers wear??

Me: Pasties?!?!

Husband: YES! Those things! (said with excitement as if they had tried to find a name for it for hours)

Me: I know that I may regret the answer, but WHY do you need to know??

Husband: joking Wouldn’t you like to know!!

Me: *In my wifely voice* what are you doing?

Husband: A “guy” (who will remain anonymous for the sake of his pride) is having some “irritation” under his wet suit and he thinks it might help. Band aids aren’t working.

Me: -silent- as I rub my head picturing two men  going store to store looking for “boob tape”.

I then explained where he could find such things and let him go. Only a military wife could get such phone calls and go back to her daily task at hand without blinking an eye.

So there it is, I’ve been ordered to hydro lance and helped two sailors find boob tape.  I wish I could share all my husband moments, but I know there will be men cutting out this article and/or forwarding it to my husband overseas. I know what I can get away with, so I’ll stop with that!  I hope I made a few salty sailors and their wives smile.  Maybe it will stir up some old stories tonight!

Have a question, comment, or topic idea?  E-mail me!

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